U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
