I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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