you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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