my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
