as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
