I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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