I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
