All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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