yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
