I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
