apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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