Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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