I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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