new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
