So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
