A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
