she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
ttyl tear gas
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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