she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
