I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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