grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
