life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
