He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
