I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's official drugs can't kill me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
