Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
