i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
