Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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