i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
