So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to calm my uterus...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
