Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Farmville is her only friend.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
