we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He called his prostate his "boner button".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
my nose is crying tears of wow.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
