If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
