The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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