I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
