I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
