omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
