i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
