i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
