I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
