I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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