Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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