Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
