Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
