Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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