If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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