the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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