Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
