Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
