3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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