Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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