I want to make a zoo with you.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
