I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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