toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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