Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
either way he was missing a nipple.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
