I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
