he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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