I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
