Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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