between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
