So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
