When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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