she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize