I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I want a musical about memes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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