the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
