I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
