Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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