my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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