The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
