Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
