peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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